Active Listening--The missing crucial element of discourse

Excellent visualization of discourse, minus listening. (cartoon by Joel Pett)

I got the following from my daughter's speech class notes. I think everyone should take the time to learn HOW TO LISTEN!!!

TYPES OF NON-LISTENING:

Pseudo-listening – Pretending to listen and being interested, but really paying attention to something else. This is literally defined as “False” listening. Pseudo means “false”. This is the type of non-listening that your father engaged in when he was watching sports and your mother wanted his attention.

Stage hogging – Happens often when people are telling stories. This listener waits for someone to finish, so you can tell a better story. These non-listeners use your story as a spring board or a transition to their more interesting story. Think “One-ups-man-ship.” You think YOURS is bad listen to this. When I was doing that, this happened and that is way worse than your story. We’ve all seen the guy at the keg party who stands close to the keg and one-ups everyone.

Selective listening – Listening only to the things that you want to hear Insulated listening – Avoiding hearing anything associated with certain topics

Defensive listening – Take innocent comments and turn them into attacks/turn words around. Person listens for weaknesses in your arguments

Ambushing – Collect information they're going to use against you later (cross-exam)

Insensitive listening – These listeners won't look beyond the most obvious content to what people are saying--selfish listeners--say it like I want to hear it.


A FEW KEY ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS:

Empathizing: Acknowledges the content & legitimacy of a speaker's perceptions.

Talk Less – It is impossible to hear someone else out and simultaneously talk. If both your mouth and your ears are open your listening to yourself not the other person.

Don't Jump to Conclusions--Hear the Person Out. Often when you jump to a conclusion you conclude incorrectly.

Look for Key Ideas – What's the main thing the person is trying to say?

Avoid – Don’t do these things and you’ll promote more active listening:

• Deny others the right to their feelings minimize significance of feelings/thoughts 
• offer unrequested advice 
• pass judgment on a speaker
• rain on speaker's parade 

Get Rid of Distractions – Both of those earbuds come out. That phone has an off button. The remote control pauses live TV. People feel valued when you pay attention to them.